Experiment

 Guess what I did? I waited to be wished Merry Christmas. I know it sounds stupid but to me it showed a lot. Those that would “always “ be there...NOT. Those that love and appreciate you... NOT. Those I thought would always remember me... not.  It actually helped me make a decision that I have been struggling with.. 

Mental Health

 Wow!

 I know, I know it’s a real thing. I have people that I love and care about that struggle. With all that understood and said the question I have is, how much is illness and how much is we are told we are sick?  How much mental illness is actual, “buck up buttercup and get over it”.  I’m not saying that about the bad stuff. What I’m talking about is... the little things. 

I don’t want to go to school? I don’t want to clean my room? I don’t want to do the dishes? I don’t have to....

Whatever happened to you didn’t have a choice? You got up in the morning, made your bed, got dressed/cleaned up, went to school (walked to school or bus stop), stayed at school the whole day without a cell phone, walked home or rode the buss home. Once you were home you changed your clothes, did your chores ( these were your responsibilities without being paid), homework and then maybe free time before a bedtime.

It’s my opinion that it’s been forgotten that when you are given the blessing of having a child that you are raising a future adult. An adult that one day will have to have a job, take care of a home and be responsible.  Raising children is not easy and they do not come with manuals. Wouldn’t it be great if they did?...At year 10 ,month 8 day 12 your child will xyz and in response you will abc.  As parents we make mistakes, we are human. We are doing the best we can with the tools we have in our parental toolbox. It’s okay to tell our kids, I messed up. I could have handled that differently. It’s okay to give kids choices but don’t let them choose themselves right into bad choices. Don’t let them choose themselves into people that no one wants to be around.

Choices have consequences. It’s okay to let your kids have consequences. Isn’t that how you learned? Now, don’t take it completely outside of what I mean . If you clearly can see that they are going to cause harm to themself or others than you need to intervene. Life is tough. Life is even tougher when you haven’t prepared for it.

Compassion

 Is there such thing as compassion anymore? I think it’s easier for some to have compassion for complete strangers than their own family. Easier to show mercy and forgiveness to complete strangers than their own family. I know that I’m guilty. Why is that? Is it because we hold “family “ to a higher standard. If a member of the family is struggling and we reach out to them are we afraid that it might be a reflection on us?  

A couple weeks ago I deleted Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. All the Liberal crap and censorship was way over the top. The main reason I deleted social media... the memories. I’m trying to get those memories out of my head. The family, friends and coworkers. The betrayal that has cut me to the bone. Seeing the “memories “ come up and having to relive the pain. At the time those pictures were taken I was happy. Life was GOOD and Life was BEAUTIFUL. I have those memories in my mind.  The way family and “friends “ turn when they are done with you... it really is sad. 

I will recover. I always do... just taking longer this time.

All I can say is....

 All I can say is WOW.  Trust me I could say a lot worse, but I won’t. So many emotions, so many feelings about the last year. I am a true believer that we all make choices and we all have consequences. I have made some really poor choices in my life, some I could try to justify but in the scheme of things they were poor choices and I have and am suffering the consequences. How we choose to react to those consequences is a completely different conversation.

The last week or two, three who’s counting? Has been especially tough. So many memories of Holidays past. So many good, happy and blessed memories. Now, honestly I feel forgotten. The memories make it tougher. Not that I for one minute regret the past... but I have to wonder, have they forgotten? Have they forgotten the past? Have they forgotten the good things? One of my biggest concerns... it just might be too late one day. I see my husband slowly forgetting more and more. I see him lost in a daze more and more. Again, it’s choices and consequences. 

What others are putting us through... I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Make sure to remember someone today. Remember who made you who you are. Respect others.

Life is not what I expected.

Grandma passed away October 14, 2018.  She really needed to go. Towards the end she was not comfortable.  What is nice is that I can honestly say I was true to my commitment.  I did what I said I would do.  Don't get me wrong..... sometimes it was horrible.  It was a lot of work.  I am so thankful that I was able to do what needed to be done and not just talk the talk but walk the walk.

I had some very special friends made while I was taking care of Mom.  It is interesting that there are those that are still here and I would consider friends.  I have had time to stop and think of the people that have crossed our doorway.  People that have said that they would always be there and are not.  Unfortunately, this goes for family too.